


Everytime we say goodbye

by iantosgal



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-27
Updated: 2013-06-27
Packaged: 2017-12-16 08:45:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/860213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iantosgal/pseuds/iantosgal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While on an away mission Jim contracts an alien virus that kills in 48 hours. Bones races against time to find a cure. But while he's racing around, he starts to wonder how long he can keep doing this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everytime we say goodbye

At first, things moved very fast. Everyone was running about sickbay, frantic shouts and barked orders filling the air. After the initial tests, things sped up even more. They knew what they were dealing with now and they knew they had a painfully short time frame to find a cure for a virus they had never seen before. The medical staff ran from place to place, they studied the virus and shouted out different ideas for possible cures.

Things slowed down after a while. They were running out of ideas, running out of steam.

They had forty-eight hours to start with but the clock was ticking it away with every move of its hands. Ticking away a man’s life, moving incessantly forward, as if this was just another damn day.

And they only had twenty hours left.

***  
Leonard let himself into the private room and checked his patient’s vital signs. He was tired but he knew he wasn’t going to get any sleep until this was all over. He checked his watch and closed his eyes when he saw how much time had passed.

He looked at his sleeping ward and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Jim. Why did it always have to be fucking Jim?

Leonard couldn’t remember the last time that there had been an away mission where Jim didn’t come back injured or with some horrendous disease. It had got so bad that Leonard felt the beginnings of a stress headache whenever the words ‘away mission’ came up in any context.

Jim stirred in the bed and Leonard quickly schooled his features into something more befitting a presiding doctor talking to a critically ill patient looking for some sort of reassurance.

Jim’s eyes eased open and found Leonard immediately.

“Hey,” he croaked. “How’s it going?”

“About the same as before,” Leonard replied, bluntly. “We’ve got nothing.”

Jim just nodded, but Leonard could see the fear in his eyes. Normally he would have reached out to comfort Jim but something stopped him.

“I’ll let you know as soon as we get anything,” he continued.

“If you get anything,” Jim said.

Leonard simply looked at him as the awkward silence stretched on, before leaving the room.

***

“You’re gonna crash if you don’t get some sleep,” Christine said.

Leonard looked up from where he had his head half buried in his hands. He was staring at the virus specifics trying to see if there was something he had missed. So far he was still coming up with jack squat but the ticking off the clock was a constant reminder of how quickly he was running out of time.

“I’m fine,” he muttered, rubbing a hand across his face.

“Leonard...”

“I said I’m fine,” Leonard snapped. He sighed at the hurt expression on Christine’s face. “I’m sorry; I know you’re just trying to help but...”

“But its Jim,” Christine finished.

Leonard looked away.

“It’s ok I’ll be out here if you need me.”

It was only after she’d gone that Leonard realised he hadn’t actually asked how Jim was doing.

***

The door opened and Jim looked up, a small smile spreading over his lips.

“Hey Bones,” he said, apprehension in his eyes.

“Hey. So we think we’ve got something,” Leonard replied.

“That’s good right?” Jim asked confused by how distant and withdrawn Bones was being.

“Yeah, should be. Got a couple more tests to do and then we’ll see if it works.”

“Ok, cool. So how long do you reckon it’ll take to finish those tests?”

“About an hour.”

“Ok. So that gives us four hours to see if it works and start panic searching for a new cure if it doesn’t.”

“Yeah.”

“Bones...”

“I better get to it. I’ll be back with it as soon as I can.”

“Bones...”

But Bones was already gone.

***

Leonard administered the cure to Jim’s sleeping form and took a seat with a sigh. He rubbed his tired eyes and willed them to stay open for a little longer. He should know if the cure had worked in about twenty minutes but he was pretty sure he’d got it right.

All he wanted to do was curl up in bed and sleep for a year. He was tired to his very core and his whole body ached. He’d been away for forty-eight hours and spent most of the last thirty-six either staring at his computer or hunched over his lab table.

He checked the vital signs again and was reassured to see they were improving. The cure was going to work.

He closed his eyes for a second and let his head fall back.

He opened his eyes and was disorientated for a moment. There was a blanket laid across him and when he sat up, he met Jim’s brilliant blues watching him closely.

“Hey sleepy,” Jim said, softly.

Leonard sighed.

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“You must have been really tired.”

“Yeah, I’ve been awake for forty-eight hours trying to keep your sorry ass alive,” he grumbled.

Jim half smiled but he couldn’t hear any humour in Bones’ voice.

The air was filled with another awkward silence before Leonard got to his feet. He started checking the biobed readings but Jim noticed that his eyes were glazed.

“Bones, are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m just tired.”

“You don’t seem too pleased I’m not gonna die. I mean, I thought you’d be pretty happy that it worked,” Jim said teasingly, reaching out to take Bones’ hand in his.

To his surprise, Bones snatched his hand away and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Oh, I’m supposed to be happy? Happy that yet again you almost got yourself killed? Happy that yet again I have to work myself to exhaustion for two fucking days because you can’t help but get yourself into trouble on every fucking away mission? I wouldn’t be so angry, if it wasn’t your own damn fault, Jim, but you touch shit you’re not supposed to, you say stuff you know is gonna piss everybody off, do something stupidly heroic that is gonna put your life in danger. I don’t even care which one it was this time Jim, I just...”

Jim looked at him, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore,” Bones looked into Jim’s shocked eyes and held his ground.

“Bones, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I’m tired. I’m tired of saying goodbye to you at the beginning of every away mission and never knowing if you’re coming back. I can’t...I just can’t Jim.”

“Bones, no...”

“It’s over.”

“Bones, no, please...you can’t do this,” Jim pleaded.

“I have to, because at this rate, this is gonna kill me before I’m forty.”

Jim felt his heart drop and his stomach clenched like he was going to throw up. Bones had that look in his eye that told Jim he wasn’t going to change his mind and it broke his heart.

It was really over.

“I can fix this,” Jim whispered, brokenly.

“No,” Leonard replied with a shake of his head. “No you can’t.”

Leonard shook his head once more and then left.

“Bones?...Bones!” Jim called, but Bones didn’t stop.

Jim let his head fall back with a thump against his pillow and let the tears begin to fall. He couldn’t believe this was happening. A broken sob tore itself from his throat and there was nothing he could do to stop the next one, so he just let himself cry loudly until he had no more tears left to shed.

***

He spent two more days in sickbay but he didn’t see Bones once. Christine came in and checked him over every now and then and always gave him a sad, sympathetic smile.

He went back to his duties as Captain, his crew welcomed him back with big smiles that he couldn’t quite return, and he spent the next week going through the motions, feeling his heart plummet every time he saw Bones in the halls or in a meeting and he tried to ignore the professional tone that Bones used when they had to talk.

He found one of Bones’ t-shirts in his wardrobe and he cried for two hours.

He was a broken mess.

***

The door chimed and Jim forced himself up off his bed before calling enter.

The door opened with a swoosh and Jim looked up to see Bones stood in the door way.

“Bones?”

Jim didn’t get a chance to say anymore before he had an armful of shaking Bones. Jim wrapped his arms around him and pulled him as close as he could. He breathed in his smell, gripped him as tightly as he could and pressed his lips to Bones’ forehead.

He shifted Bones so he could see his face. Bones was crying, tears streaming down his face.

“I’m so sorry,” he said.

“Bones...Bones, it’s ok.”

“No, it’s not...”

“Yes it is. This last couple of weeks have been horrible. I thought I’d lost you forever and I could never have imagined how awful it would be. I get it now, I get why you did it. I’m sorry; I shouldn’t keep putting you through that. I’m gonna be more careful, I promise. Just...please don’t leave me.”

Bones kissed him hard and Jim responded, wrapping his fingers in Bones’ hair.

“Never,” Bones whispered against his lips. “I’ll never leave you again.”

“I’ll never leave you either. I love you.”

Bones didn’t say anything more. He just smiled and kissed Jim again.

Jim knew they still had a lot to work out. They’d both put each other through hell in different ways but they could fix this.

Together.


End file.
